No regrets parenting

Because we are imperfect humans living in an imperfect world, we sometimes encounter situations where we experience regrets.  When our children make choices that turn out bad, we parents have often have regrets about our parenting.  We think, ‘If only I had done something different, things might have turned out differently for them.”  Being a mother with regrets about her parenting around the issues of alcohol use and the child of a mother with regrets (Honestly, mom, I think you did a great job), I decided to share this list of vital skills for parents I found at alcoholfreechildren . 

It seems to me, that if parents do one of these six tasks daily and all of them within the month, they will have no cause for regrets when their children are confronted with an invitation to use alcohol before they come of age.

• Establish family rules—openly!
• Role model—consistently!
• Talk to kids—regularly!
• Monitor friends and activities—diligently!
• Confront—appropriately!
• Increase your knowledge—easily!

If you are already doing all of these behaviors regularly, that’s great.  If not, choose one of the six behaviors you wish to improve upon until you have mastered them all. Then when your child is confronted with a decision around alcohol or other risky behaviors you can think of yourself as your child’s everyday hero instead of experiencing regrets.  No matter which choice your child makes.  

Kathy Getting

Is is you?

Is it you?  That’s the question going around Hamilton County in the past week or so.  Fliers with a black mask and the above question were posted in business windows and bulletin boards across the county on June 16.  That evening, four-foot wide masks were drawn with chalk on the brick exteriors of the Daily Freeman Journal, the Webster City Police Station, and Fuller Hall.  People cruising by the next day looked and pondered, “Who is doing this? Is this the work of naughty kids?”

Friday’s edition of the DFJ contained a photograph under the cap line “Mysterious drawing”.  The caption noted, “A confidential source who spoke under the promise of anonymity said the graffiti was sanctioned and the kids who produced it were doing so for the community good.  Additionally, posters bearing the same image have shown up all over Hamilton County.  The sources promised more details would be revealed in the coming weeks. 

This Thursday more fliers appeared.  This time the word” Heroes Wanted” accompanied the black mask.  The fliers were posted just above the “Is it you?” flier.  This can’t be the end of it!

Kathy Getting

Bad Kids vs. Good Kids

A differing perspective arose when a group of elderly people were talking about what was different between their lives as young people and today’s youth.  The conversation was flowing.  They noted that increased exposure to negative media, too much free time, too much money, and less parental and neighborly monitoring had resulted in kids who started risky behaviors at younger ages. 

Then someone who had arrived late, interrupted the conversation to say, “I’m upset about of you calling our kids bad. They are not. They are good kids.  I was watching kids play sports last night.  There are a lot of good kids. I see them all the time.”

He is right.  There are a lot of good kids.  They are the majority.  But, there are also good kids who occasionally make poor choices when it pertains to alcohol .  My son is one of them.  He went out for sports.  He participated in football, baseball, basketball and track.  He treats his elders with respect.  He drops in after work to check on his grandparents.  He spends time talking with them at the kitchen table, mows their lawn, and does any heavy lifting.  He stops to help others in need.  In fact, he was one of the two rescuers who stopped their cars help the sheriff when his bucking horse broke his pelvic bone while riding across a field a few yards from the road.  He is an easygoing, loyal friend, with a quirky sense of humor who doesn’t easily give up on friends. 

As an adult, my son continues to be involved in sporting activities.  But he also continues the binge drinking that he started with his older team mates he was just 15.  He has suffered a few consequences since then, but that’s another story. 

The point is that a majority of youth drink underage are not “bad kids”.  They are good kids who sometimes make poor choices.  They are our kids.  Help your youngster to make better choices when it comes to alcohol.  Be a good role model when you drink, talk to your kids about the dangers of substance abuse regularly, parse your trust, and stay involved in their daily activities.  Maybe your good kids can then avoid some of the costs that accompany early and excessive use alcohol. 

Kathy Getting

Limiting Access to Prescription Drugs in the Community

You can stop the chemicals in old or unused medications from entering our water systems and the bodies of those who would misuse them by dropping them off this Saturday at the Hy-Vee parking lot in Webster City between 10-12 PM.  Prescription and over the counter medications will be accepted.   Pills, ointments powders, inhalers, creams, and lotions will be collected.  Liquid medications of 4oz. or less will be accepted if the container is wrapped in paper towel and sealed in a zip lock plastic bag.

This is a free service to the community.  Just drive up and drop off the medications.  No identifying information will be collected. 

Prescription and over the counter drug abuse is a growing concern.   About 9% of the 11^th graders and 5% of the 6^th, 8^th, & 11^th grade Hamilton County students in the 2008 Iowa Youth Survey reported using prescription drugs not prescribed for them by their doctor at least once in the last 30 days.   The numbers are similar for using over the counter medications differently than the directions indicate.  The Partnership for Drugfree. org  states that 90% of addictions start in the teen years. 

The misperception that medications are not as dangerous as other illegal drugs fuels their use.  As you clean out your medicine cabinet, you can use it as an opportunity to talk to the youth in your life about the risks of using prescription medications recreationally.  A great resource for getting started is the Not in My House website sponsored by Abbot and Partnership for Drug Free.

When Was Your First Social Drink?

Can you help us identify crucial moments for youth when it applies to underage drinking?   Crucial moments are those times when choosing to behave one way is like an off ramp on the interstate, one that takes you  in a different direction and is it difficult to get back to where you were.  We’re especially interested in hearing from anyone who started drinking prior to 21.  When was your crucial moment? What prompted your decision to take your first whole social drink?  Or perhaps you’ve had a crucial moment as a parent that led your child to drink or not drink?  Please share.

Power Up YOUth seeks to reduce the number of youth in Hamilton County who begin drinking alcohol prior to age 21.  We know that alcohol use among youth is a complex, resistant, and profound problem.  In other words, there are no easy solutions, it’s been around for generations, and the consequences of early use of alcohol cost individuals and communities heartbreak and large amounts of dollars.  The odds seem overwhelming, yet, we must try. 

An effective strategy is to identify crucial moments and then invest resources to ensure that the right behaviors are used during those pivotal times.    When we know those crucial moments, we can identify and implement strategies that motivate and enable the behaviors that lead to positive results.  Once we identify crucial moments in drug use we can identify behaviors that will make it or more likely that youth will say no when the opportunity to add unhealthy chemicals to their bodies arises. 

Kathy Getting

Students Helping Impact Future Teens

Rachel Kauffman saw a need, sought a solution, and now her vision is a reality.  That reality is SHIFTs Happen.  SHIFTs stands for Students Helping Impact Future Teens.

Rachel feels social pressures from some of her Webster City High School peers to join in underage drinking but has made it a personal goal to wait.  Last summer she and Madelyn Anderson attended the National Youth Leadership Institute at the Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America through a scholarship from Power Up YOUth.  They learned about leadership and how to work with others in preventing and reducing substance abuse in their community.  And they networked with other like-minded teens from across the nation.  Rachel and Madelyn were energized and eager to form a group where similar local peers could stand together and make it socially acceptable to not drink alcohol.  This April, with the help of Michelle Walters, prevention specialist from Community and Family Resources, SHIFTs Happen came into being.  Alex Drier, a Webster City High School English teacher, was energized by what the students were doing and signed on to be a school sponsor.

They are already at work.  Hoping to make it less acceptable for parents to host underage drinking parties they are increasing community awareness of the new social host ordinance. During the meal between the Webster City High School Awards ceremony and baccalaureate on Wednesday April 18^th, they handed out to parents and teens water bottles donated by Webster City Fareway with information about the social host ordinance and alcohol facts.   They are responsible for the “Alcohol Free Party Here” signs in the yards of graduating seniors.  They will also place 50 “Those Who Host Lose the Most” yard signs in the homes of parents of teens, teachers, and other supporters. 

They have other ideas to carry out too.   One of their duties will be to decide which two of them are the best candidates to go to the 2011 National Youth Leadership Institute when scholarship funds are obtained.  If you would like to help teens attend with a donation, please contact me at Power Up YOUth, 509 Division Street, Webster City, IA

The Mouse and the Cheese, The Alcohol Industry and Youth

Can we rely on the alcohol industry to police themselves when marketing their products?   Can you trust the mouse not to take the cheese when there is no cat around? 

Creating dividends for stockholders is one of any corporation’s main purposes.  Their dividends are closely related to sales of their product.  To that end industries seek to create favorable images and associations before their potential customers begin purchasing.   We are in a time when some industries are using children as spokespeople to market their cell phones, automobiles and investment firms.  This is an attempt to build name recognition in children at a time when first impressions are strongest.  It is understandable how the alcohol industry might want to do the same.  Some say they are.

 However, alcohol abuse and addictions have too many negative consequences for individuals and society for our regulators to ignore how the alcohol industry markets their products.  The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that underage drinking is strongly related to accidental deaths, injuries, sexual assaults, date rape, unplanned pregnancies, and contraction of HIV or STDS.  Since 10% of us drink 60% of the alcohol consumed in the US, the alcohol industry profits go up when there are more people abusing alcohol.  In a study out of Boston College of more than 4,000 respondents, nearly half of the people who met the criteria for alcohol dependence did so by the age of 21 and two-thirds do so by the age of 25.  If young people wait to start dinking until the age of 21, the changes of developing an alcohol dependence goes down to 10%.  The alcohol industry must be aware of this dynamic.  We have a social obligation to monitor alcohol advertising to protect our young.   

Currently the Federal Trade Commission is seeking public input about changing their policy to allow the alcohol industry to self regulate their advertisements.  I urge you to ask them to start regulating.   Kathy Getting

Strands in a Community Safety Net

Kelly Wirtz tells this story.  While driving to work, two young men sped by her in cars, chasing one another on the way to school.  She became concerned about her safety and the safety of the students and other drivers on the road.  So one day she departed from her regular path and followed the young drivers to the school parking lot.  She thought to herself, “These are good kids. They just need a reality check.”  She let them know her good intentions.  “I want to keep something bad from happening,” and laid out a couple of scenarios.  Then she kindly told them that if they continued to chase one another to school, she was going to call the law enforcement.  The racing stopped, or as Kelly acknowledges, it stopped at the time and place that she drives to work.

 Recently I heard Dr. Howard Koh, Asst Secretary for Health at the Dept of Health and Human Services, address drug prevention coalition members.  He said something that resonated within me.  “We are all connected.  We are all interdependent, and we all have promises to keep.”  While he might have been referring to federal, state, and local governments and coalitions, I believe it applies to us as individuals in our local communities as well.  

We need to remember that human beings are social animals.  We thrive when we are connected to others.  Those connections are the figurative fabric of our community safety net.  The more connections, the less likely someone will fall through the weave and the more likely they will bounce back during troubling times.

We must hold our selves and others accountable for creating the common good.  We are obligated to act in ways that consider the impact of our behaviors on others.  We are obligated to take action for positive change rather than ignoring or turning away.  It is essential for the well being of our community and our future to act in ways that recognize our obligations to the most vulnerable, like youth.  Just as Kelly did.

Kathy Getting

Ads, Alcohol, and Youth

I recall watching a feature on cable television about the life of a musician on tour.  I was heartened by what a great role model he was when he talked about how difficult it was to lead a moral life and be a role model for others.  The juxtaposition of his thoughts and the alcohol commercial that followed disturbed my social work heart.

The commercial began with no sound, just an image of a large numbers of police dressed in riot gear standing in line on one side of an urban street, all looking in across the street. The next frame was of a large crowd of young people, quiet and tense looking back toward the police off screen.  Then the two groups were on the street, inches apart, leaning towards the opposing group, ready to do battle. The mood was abruptly changed by images of the two sides engaging in a pillow fight.  Everyone was laughing and having the time of their lives, feathers flying in the air.  The camera slowly rose to the skyline where feathers floated through the air under the logo of a liquor company.   End of commercial.

Message received:  “Breaking the laws around drinking is fun and games, the consequences are fluff.”  I asked myself who this ad was aimed at and answered, “Youth.”   My next rational thought, “The alcohol industry needs to be regulated because self regulation is not working.”

Kathy Getting

Opportunities and Responsibilites

Power Up YOUth is working with local law enforcementagencies in Hamilton County to create a community oriented policing board.  The successful Webster County Crimestoppers board members are serving as our mentors.   Many good things can arise for this opportunity:

• Improve the overall safety of our community (police, fire, road, safety issues, improving lighting in target areas, etc)
• Get to know your law enforcement officials in Hamilton County.  (Law Enforcement Agencies (3) would provide a monthly report to the board.  This would enlighten the board as to what needs attention, where the resources should be placed, and garner community involvement to find solutions to improve or better problem areas.)
• Provide input to law enforcement about community needs and wishes.  (The flow of information from issues that law enforcement is facing to the Board and issues the community is facing to Law Enforcement will increase understanding to produce realistic results in improving the community).
• Network with other “movers and shakers” across the county.  (Also, neighboring community boards or coalitions).
• “Help catch the bad guys.”  Crime Stoppers and TipSoft Program!

 

Responsibilities of the board members include:

• Establish and maintain collaboration among community members and local law enforcement.
• Improve the overall quality of life issues facing Hamilton County.
• Develop and implement marketing strategies for community involvement and financial support.
• Obtain outside funding for support services for law enforcement like rewards or TipSoft.
• Regularly attend monthly board meetings.

We are all connected, we are all interdependent, so we all have promises to keep.  What promises are you keeping?

Kathy Getting & Chief Brian Hughes